A Manifesto of sorts...

It has been forever. I took some time tonight to read over my past entries, mainly the ones dealing with autism. Lately, I have been reflecting a lot on this progressing life of mine. It could be because Asher just turned 12. My little baby is 12. Or, it could be that I feel like someone has turned up the pressure gauge here at home and my boys are about to shoot through the roof.

We have had a lot of discipline problems lately. There is a lot of weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. Surprisingly, the only person who doesn't end up crying is mommy (and daddy, but I am talking about my battles here...). That's right, I have become the drill Sargent. Strangely, very few of my antics seem to be working. What's the deal?! I should be a natural, right. Right...? It turns out that I have 3 very strong willed boys and one more little toddler who carefully watches and mimics his older brothers on a daily basis. I am starting to think that they even hold secret meetings in the bathroom after I go to sleep where they plot and plan on how they can most efficiently drive their parents crazy. It would appear that they have decided to go with the "tag teaming" method.

My shortcomings in the parenting department are made worse by the fact that I was a psychology major. Childhood development was my favorite and I even worked with troubled teens. Yet I cannot, for the life of me, figure out these little people in my own home. In this process, I also fear that I might be doing irreversible damage to their spirits.

I have never done this before, we are all learning in this process called living. Quite frankly, I truly believe that while there are thousands of tried and true "how to" books out there in the world, the simple fact is this, you cannot plan for the obstacles you will face in your lifetime. Nope. Just to clarify, I don't see my boys at obstacles, but we have some developmental and emotional battles that sometimes stand in our way.

I love my babies so much. Did I think this was going to be my life? Not.at.all. I had a rather fairytale existence in mind, one where my nicely groomed children sat at my feet, after doing their choirs and eating their well balanced meals, and hung on every teaching that came from my mouth. In this fantasy we do hours of crafting and exploring, because all I want is to be with them. We also rarely have a word of anger in our house and all disputes are settled quickly, rationally, and fairly.

Nice world, huh?

And flashing back to reality, I am learning, repeatedly, that things don't always go according to plan. (But really, who am I kidding, does anyone other then the Stepford wives have a life like my imaginary one?) When plans don't go our way, we only have two options. We can live through it and learn and cope with grace and joy, or....we can be miserable and angry and decide to give in to the disappointment.

Well, I have had the great privilege of reading several messages of hope recently. I thank God for these messages because, while we all have our down times, if we look in the right places there will always be someone to help us get up again. It is our choice to keep moving. And I DO want to keep moving, to keep trying, keep progressing. I know my boys and I can work together to iron out the kinks and to make ourselves stronger for the next set of wrinkles that will come our way. There will always be more, but I have decided to take a new approach. It goes like this...

...BRING IT ON.

That's right, I am rolling up my sleeves and I am ready. I know, I KNOW that my boys were sent to me for a reason. Granted, I might be mentally damaging them for life as their mother but that is a different story....;-) I am going to try to face my challenges with them more diligently, more joyfully, more determined to figure out a solution for change rather then a band aid for the moment. This too shall pass and when it does, I want to be able to look back with confidence and say,"I KNOW that I did my best." That is my hope and goal, not just with my boys, but with all of the challenges that life has in store for me. And in the end, I want to be so full of gratitude because it did happen, and I not only survived, but that I did it well.

If you want to check out some of the amazing sources for my recent enlightenment, here they are-

The Simple Act of Gratitude
Lil Blue Boo's The Cancer Chronicles
And as always,
Teachings from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

Stop the world . . .

. . . I want to get off. I have really had it folks. Really. I know that I don't have a lot to complain about. I know that my life is relatively blessed and easy going. But sometimes, all of the junk hits you at once (or within a 9 month time period, shall we say) and I just want to jump ship.

For starters, I am going to admit one of the not so glamorous realities of this pregnancy. I have some sort of mean, unrelenting rash that is now covering most of my body (except for my face, ironically). And it ITCHES like a mother. It keeps me up at night and distracts me most of the day as well. The doctors, of course, have no idea what it is - but they seem to be certain that it is pregnancy related. I think that at tomorrow's appointment I get to have it biopsied. Yippee!! Can I just mention how this all adds to my overall image of attractiveness? I have lost any inkling of "mojo" that I might have had in this female body. Will it ever come back . . . ?

On top of this, Myles has decided to blast us full force with his "personality" issues. He is not participating at school and it seems to just be checking out from reality more frequently. So of course, time for a professional diagnosis. It is like walking through quick sand for me to deal with this issue for some reason. No parent likes to hear what is wrong with their child.

As I was making phone calls to get this issue squared away (if you can really call it being "squared away") a psychologist mentioned something about children with autism that of course brought a problem that we have been having for a while with Asher bursting forward!

Asher has major food refusal issues. He is just not eating. It is getting worse as he is getting older, probably because his body requires more food to sustain it. He gets this dark bags under his eyes and he has digestion problems. It is not that I really have been ignoring it, I have just kind of given up the fight (fighting) with this issue. Well, I am rolling up my sleeves again. I am going to try to find a therapist who can help us . . . and help me know what to do.

So, this doesn't sound like too much, right? I am just a bit overwhelmed right now. If I break it down I can handle it all - I mean, I have no other choice. I guess that it wouldn't be life if I didn't have these challenges to deal with. And I am sure that their will be plenty more to come. For now, I am going to just keep my head down and keep pushing forward.

I really should write something . . .

. . . with so much computer time on my hands lately (seriously), it would seem that I would have at least blogged once. There is so much to catch up on that I am going to write the super condensed version.

1) Baby is another boy! I am really okay with it . . . and quite excited actually to hold the title as mother of four boys.

2) Bazaar went great! It was a pleasure as always to see all of the creative talent in Utah county and have the chance to be a part of it.

3) Broken leg. Not much to elaborate on here, other then it hurt like a *&##@@!

4) Surgery on said leg. Again, lots of drugs.

5) Wheelchair and crutches . . . one tired husband

6) Mom and dad come to the rescue

7) Christmas is saved! Boys have a wonderful experience and my heart is touched by all of the generousity and kindness of people who made it magical for the boys.

8) Stitches out (cool scar) and leg in boot.

9) Baby is thriving. 13 weeks left (11 if I deliver my usual 2 weeks early) In search of the perfect name. Any suggestions?

10) Mom and dad leaving soon and 2 days till I can walk in the boot. Major panic and anxiety. I am not ready for the pain or normal life yet . . . I can do it, I can do it . . .

And so you have it. All in all, life has been wonderful and I have really realized how blessed we are. No matter what your circumstances are, be grateful for them. There is always somebody hurting or suffering more. I have really learned this. I am also soooo grateful for the good health and strong body (usually) that I get to enjoy. I am also blessed to have the family that I have. I am nothing without them.

Getting back to good . . .

Life at home has been slowly falling back into our normal routine after this past crazy month. I don't think that I mentioned it but my parents also came to town to visit us. It was really nice to have them spend the time with us.

While they were here, I discovered that I was pregnant! Then, a week or two later, I miscarried. This was my first miscarriage and it was sad. I wasn't very far along so I don't think that the loss hit me as hard as it could have.

From the moment that I found out I was pregnant, I knew that something didn't feel right. I mean, I am usually puking my brains out as soon as the stick shows positive. I think that because of this "feeling", I was okay when I miscarried.

And truly, I am okay. And yes, we are still going to try for number 4. And yes, it had better be a girl! LOL!

Since then, I put on some weight. The feelings that come with this are driving me crazy. I know that I am the one in control of myself and that I can choose to change my situation. However, I have come to some important realizations.

First of all, I really really think that our society is so jacked up when it comes to the female figure. For obvious reasons, one can see that there are so many expectations and standards out there that it really does alienate those who do not naturally fit into this mold. (Enter screw you remarks to people who only think skinny women are attractive and in control . . . and who look at overweight people with pity . . . shame on you.)

I was reading Kirsti Alley's People magazine interview and she was discussing her shame at gaining back the weight that she had lost. In her words, I could sense the same self-loathing that sometimes creeps into the minds of many women in this situation.

It made me sad because, though she may be a larger woman, she is still just as beautiful. She stated that she didn't feel attractive or appealing and I thought, "I am sure there are plenty of men out there that will take you as you are!"

I think that beauty and self worth come from so much more then the size of our jeans . . . or our ass for that matter! (Excuse my french!) I am just sooooo grateful for a husband who finds me sexy no matter what I look like. He loves me, just as I am.

Of course, I want to be healthy and comfortable in my body. This healthiness also requires a positive self image. If we cannot see ourselves as beautiful, that we will never believe that it is in us. And trust me, it is.

And with that, I am now going to try to focus more on things that are truly beautiful in this world. My children, a beautiful sunrise, the true love of my husband, and the feeling of being a family. There is just so much beauty everywhere to behold. So, lift your head up and and enjoy it.

. . . end of rant . . . off to enjoy my little boys. :)

One year older and wiser too . . .

Yes folks, that's right! I just turned *druuuuummmmmroooollllll*

34!!

*shock* *gasp* *ahhh*

I'm over it.

Actually, I have fully accepted the fact that I am officially in my 30's. I think that I am okay for a couple of years until I start getting closer to 40. Man, seriously, I feel like I am still 25. I didn't see it coming!

I had a wonderful birthday. Lots of spoiling by Sterling who whisked me away for the weekend to enjoy sleep, shopping, eating, and sleeping. So nice to sleep in . . .

Sterling was so patient and helpful as he followed me from shop to shop, behaving as my shopping companion. I know that this is hard for any man to do and so I really really appreciated it. I was so happy that I could have the present that I wanted most of all . . . time alone with him.

Of course, no Zoe birthday would be complete without a trip to Mrs. Backer's Pastry Shop. This is seriously the.best.bakery.ever!!! Each creation from this store is a work of art! I had my first mouthwatering bite of a Mrs. Backer's cake about 5 years ago. Sheer ecstasy people. I LOVED it. Since then, it has been our tradition to get one every year on my birthday. Buttercream birthday cake is one of my most favorite treats! I am telling you guys, you have not lived until you have had a Mrs. Backer's treat. It's as simple as that.

Among some of the gifts that I received were this wonderful book from my dear friend Mandy. I think that any woman and mother will appreciate this book. I have been deeply touched by the stories that I have read.


I would also like to thank my mother for the 50 dollars of cold hard cash that is meant for nothing other than fabric from fabric.com!! I am already carefully scanning the site for my most perfect selections . . . ummm, my Precious.

I will say though, this year, I was given one of the most resourceful gifts ever. It was from my friend Amber. In her card she wrote:

These Slippers are -

*Soft and hygienic

*Non-slip grip strips on sole

*Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh

*No more bending over to mop up spills

*Disposable and Biodegradable

*Environmentally safe

*Three convenient sizes, Regular, Light Day, and Get out the Sandbags

Ingenious. That's all I can say!

Thank you to everyone who thought of me on my birthday. It was great to receive your emails and phone calls and birthday wishes! I love you guys!! :)

Oh No You Di'ent!!

LOOOOK!!!

"What am I looking at?!" Oh, I'll tell you what you are looking at!! You are looking at the charred remains of my hair!!! My blow dryer rebelled against me yesterday and burnt (to a crisp) the hair on the top of my head. See illustration below.

I have never, NEVER in my life had this happen to me. I yelled for Sterling to come up and help me . . . and the first thing he goes for is the scissors. No thanks! I mean, the hair basically molted out in large chunks. Later today I will be taking a hammer to said hairdryer.

*After looking at this post, my husband informed me that "the pictures do not do it justice". Yep, it is worse that it looks folks! . . . and I would never exaggerate!*

Sick . . .

. . . more exciting news to come.

*Not pregnant . . . sorry, just plain ol' sick! So I guess the only exciting news to come is that of my life - not too terribly exciting . . . really, I was just being sarcastic . . . :)

Found

I was just looking through some blogs and I saw this link to an online store called Found. The name really caught me for a moment and gave me a quick sense of elation as I realized that maybe I am "found" in my life.

Before you guys think that I am losing it, let me just tell you, I have had a rather rough week. I found out on Monday that a dear friend of mine has died, Asher almost got expelled from school for throwing another one of his famous temper tantrums, and I found out that our builder, who we have been involved in this lovely lawsuit with, is declaring bankruptcy. Nice week, huh?

The biggest thing to affect me was the loss of Mike, who was one of my first serious boyfriends (umm, years ago). I have been thinking a lot about the journey that our lives can take - each of us to different destinations. I have also been contemplating my own life's journey and whether or not I have lost some of myself along the way.

Tonight I had a little therapy session with my mother (thanks mom) who kind of helped me to see beyond the pain and struggles that we encounter in life. She helped me realize that this really is just part of the voyage.

This really helped because I have been feeling kind of lost this week. It wasn't until I saw the word "found" that I realized that maybe I am! Maybe my husband has found me. Maybe God has found me. Or most importantly, I think that I have found myself . . . at least for now.

So anyway, not to get too deep or emotional on everybody . . . I guess that I just wanted to share my little epiphany that in this life we might lose our way and feel lost sometimes but, we are all capable of being found.

Nine years ago today . . .

Sterling and I celebrated our 9th anniversary today! It seems like we have known each other for much longer then 9 years! Well, we actually met 11 years ago when I moved into a house with a bunch of my college friends. Sterling and his guy buddies lived in the house before us. Once we moved in, Sterling and another guy didn't seem to get the picture that we lived there now! LOL! They were always hanging out there . . . go figure, a bunch of hot girls!! (LOL! yeah.)

Sterling actually asked 2 of my roommates out before me! What a dork, huh?! :) It was nice though because we were friends for about 7 months before we realized that we both had feelings that were deeper. Two years or so later - we were married!

I love Sterling so much and I wouldn't trade where we are at this point in our marriage/life for anything. Tonight, we went out with our children. We have been so busy that we decided to keep the celebration low key.

The evening could not have been any nicer! Believe it or not, our boys were on their best behaviour! Sterling and I kept giving each other smiles like we couldn't believe that they were being sooo good! Then, and this is truly amazing, Myles actually ate red meat!!! I know that that doesn't seem like much of a feat but trust me, this little boy was following in Asher's footsteps with his eating habits. He has never eaten any meat other then bologna.

This truly was the best gift that our children could have given us! It is the little things that make our lives special. I am so happy to be sharing my life with Sterling. I love you babe!

More Amazing Facts

As if I don't talk about myself enough (snicker, snicker), I got tagged by Leilani. I am supposed to share 7 random things about myself. This was actually kind of hard for me because I have shared a lot of info in previous posts like here, here and here!

But, of course, I managed to pull together some completely random Zoe facts. :)

1) I have a really hard time committing to things. Don't get me wrong, I am a responsible person, but, if someone says, "Let's get together next week and do . . . " I have a really hard time saying "yes". Of course, if you ask me the night before or the day of, I am usually game. I once told a friend of mine that I am "like a butterfly, I don't like to be pinned down!" To which, of course, she laughed and made fun of me years later!! :)

2) After having my babies, I actually love staying in the hospital and having the nurses take care of me! I only wish that I could stay longer . . .

3) I LOVE the theatre!! When I was in high school I was in as many plays as I could be in . . . when I made the part, that is! :) I love going to musicals when they come to town. One of my dream vacations would be to go to New York and see all of the Broadway musicals. My favorite is Miss Saigon.

4) I tend to speak about everything and anything. Because of this, I often overstep personal boundaries without meaning too. I guess that I am not a very private person and that a lot of topics do not make me uncomfortable. Having this blog has been good for me because I am more "filtered" as I don't know who will be reading it! So, I guess that you could say that my blog is "Zoe - censored!" Although I think that it is pretty close to accurate just minus the sex talk, LOL!!!

5) I have some sort of golf ball sized lump on my lower back. LOL!! I know, that one is really really random! The doctor says that it is a fatty deposit! Like I need anymore fat!! I could have it removed but I decided that I would rather have a slight lump then a scar.

6) I have a s.e.r.i.o.u.s. addiction to DOTS.

7) I am a nerd about movie/actor facts. If I see a movie that is "based" on a true story, I will come home and research it on the Internet. I always like to find the story behind the story.

I am going to tag . . . hummm, let's see . . . Randi, Kirsten and Shelly.

Tag! I'm IT!

I just got tagged by Shannon,my new mini swap partner (which I am soooo excited about). So here are the guidelines.

1) Get tagged
2) Post 5 things about yourself that aren't already mentioned in your blog
3) Tag other people that you would like to know more about

Sounds easy enough . . . right!? Well, I am a pretty revealing person so I don't know what more to share - other than . . . .

1) I have realized that I really like to do this . . . . . a lot when I write!

2) I just recently considered entering a contest with Scott's brand toilet paper where you are supposed to share your "Most Cloggiest Moment". Sadly, I have many of these. My best one would have to be the time I went to meet a boyfriend's family over Christmas break in '94. We were skiing up in Washington and staying at a log cabin. I got very constipated and, as you can guess, when it came out . . . (there it is again!) it was not a good thing!! The bathroom had no plunger and I was trapped in the room for at least 15 minutes before I came up with a great plan to grab the "item" from the toilet and throw it out the window. I opened the window in preparation and realized that there was only bright, white, ice/snow outside. It would have been a total give away! So, I found the best contraption I could use to manually ease the "item" down the toilet. After some time, my mission was accomplished. Not one of my proudest moments!

3) My latest favorite song is by Scissor Sisters "I don't feel like Dancin'".

4) My lunch today was frozen cookie dough.

5) I love stuff!!! I really do. I am not a pack rat or anything but I LOVE stuff. Especially unique, crafty, cool, and even nerdy stuff. I go crazy over magazines that have columns about interesting finds. Humm, someday, I am going to make a post about the "stuff" that I have that I really like. :) I know, I am a nerd.

**So, who would I like to learn more about? Well, definitely Miranda, EmLouisa (whose blog I just love to read but I am not sure that she has visited me yet!), and Evey (who I have never been able to get to do a tag . . . come on)!! :)

Leilani's Meme

My friend Lei is so patient with me and she always has faith in me that I will respond to one of her tags! I am excited to finally have time to reply. So, here goes . . .

7 things that I cannot do:
~Run very far (I think a 5k is the most I'll ever be able to do)
~Get up consistently early every morning and get ready for the day (sad I know, but I have a feeling that I am going to have to learn to do this really soon when the third baby comes!)
~Sing
~Dance (I dream of being able to!)
~Eat green beans
~tolerate injustice
~deny my beliefs

7 things that attracted me to my spouse:
~His ability to truly make me feel safe and secure
~His belief in me
~His dreams
~His friendship with me
~His intelligence
~His incredible patience . . . with me
~His tender side

7 things that I say often:
~Hello Handsome. (to all of my boys)
~How's my monkey? (to Myles)
~I guess that, these days, I mention my "verbena" often (according to my mother). My "verbena" is aka my "beautiful flower" etc.
~Hell No! (when I really want to state my opinion about something!)
~Come and snuggle me. (To any takers in my house)
~Yes sweetie. (I think that every mother has this phrase in their repertoire)
~Uh oh!! (More often then I'd like to say it!)

7 Authors that I love:
~Charlotte Bronte
~Terry Olsen
~Jane Austin
~Kate Chopin
~Neil Maxwell
~Orson Scott Card
~Viktor Fankl

7 Movies that I could watch over and over:
Well, I am kind of like Leilani on this one. I really hate to watch a movie more then once. My husband hates it! But, I do have a few that I think are pretty good.
~Napoleon Dynamite
~Somewhere in Time
~Office Space (I know, I know)
~Jane Eyre
~Princess Bride

It's Been a Year!

It has come to my attention that I missed the one year anniversary of my blog! I could not let this momentous occasion pass without paying tribute to one of my new favorite pastimes. I have decided to list some things about myself that I may not have revealed in my blog thus far. Soooo, here goes.

1) I was born in London, England-because of this I have dual citizenship!
2) I have had the opportunity to grow up living all over. A few of the places that I have lived are Mexico, France, Texas, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Hawaii, and now Utah. (My Dad was an international banker.)
3) Because of this moving all of the time, I think that I am pretty good at making new friends.
4) I am terrible at keeping in touch with old friends! That is why I love blogging! :)
5) I am somewhat of a clean freak . . . Unfortunately this doesn't mesh well with motherhood so I have had to give up on most of my expectations.
6) I prefer to use the bathroom with the door open . . . much to my husbands chagrin. I get claustrophobic!
7) I enjoy creating just about anything!! (Painting, knitting, sewing, sculpture, gardening, etc.) I love working with my hands!
8) Going to that fabric store - or a craft store, is like being a kid in a candy store, on Christmas day, with Santa and all of his elves, and getting to ride in his sled for me!
9) I tend to talk too much! My husband and kids have threatened to leave me many times at a place because of this. In fact, when Asher was 4, he did leave me at a neighbors house talking. I had no idea. When I realized that he was gone, I freaked out, ran home, yelled to Sterling for help. Sterling told me that Asher was there. When asked why he left, he simply said, "Because Mommy was talking too much and I was bored!"
10) When I was growing up, I had daydreams about being as cool as "Pollyanna" and "Anne of Green Gables"!
11) I have since let go of this dream . . . although I am still a dreamer and a romantic at heart.
12) I have always been in love with love.
13) I really do not enjoy being pregnant - although my children are my greatest accomplishments in my life! I would do it over and over again for these precious ones! (Humm, and I have!)
14) I pride myself on being somewhat of an efficiency expert- always finding the fastest/most productive way of doing things.
15) My day to day life is not very efficient!
16) I LOVE taking naps. The bed is my favorite place in the house. I savor the times that I can make it there.
17) I am fiercely competitive when the pursuit interests me!

18) I did audition for "The Amazing Race"! (I didn't even get a call back!)

19) I love being outdoors, hiking, camping, etc.

20) Sometimes I wish that I could be a full fledged "Granola Girl"!

21) I tend to become obsessive about things that interest me . . . I have become a lot better at controlling this as I have grown older.

22) My husband has taught me not to worry so much in life.

23) I love my husband!!

24) I have absolutely no rhythm and therefore look like I am drunk whenever I dance.

25) I love to dance!

26) My dream vacation is to bagpack through Europe.

27) I know ASL and am an interpreter for a deaf friend in the neighborhood.

28) I am a Mormon.

29) I have a healthy fear of the ocean.

30) I have a slight fetish for bags/purses/totes.

31) I am very happy with my life!

Whew! I thought that I would stop at 31 because that is how old I am! Well, thanks for letting me get this all out . . . my little blog! :)

Yeah! I got tagged!!!

I am so happy to be tagged because I have been out of the blogging loop and in my pregnancy coma for sooooo long!! So, let me see if I can get this right! To read some of the previously tagged comments-go to:

1) Sara is always right
2) Acade Me
3) Musical Mom
4) My Many Colored Days
5) Fresh Preserves

Now for my answers!

1) What were you doing ten years ago?

Humm, ten years ago I was actually roommates with Leilani who tagged me- living in the Omni. That is so weird to think of now but it was soooo fun. Of course, we were living with one psycho roommate who used to steal my clothes and cut them up so that they would fit her . . . but that is another story. LOL! Also, I was just reminiscing with Sterling about the quote fridge that we had. Whenever someone said something funny we would write it down and stick it to the fridge. Leilani gave me a book of some of our favorite quotes when I got married! It was my favorite wedding gift!

2) What were you doing 1 year ago today?

One year ago today I was juggling my little ones around I am sure. But I know that I was also kissing all over Myles who was only 8 months old!!

3) Five snacks that I enjoy.

Of course this has changed a little since I have been pregnant but I look forward to getting back to some of them!!

1) GUACAMOLE!!!!!! Ummmmm, good.

2) Dots

3) A handful of chocolate chips and a spoonful of peanut butter

4) Grapes

5) Peaches (a lot these days)

4) Five songs to which I know all of the lyrics.

1) I'll Be There For You (Bon Jovi)

2) When You Love a Woman (I don't know who sings it but I feel in love with it and memorized the lyrics so that I could educate my husband! LOL)

3) Humm, almost anything by the Indigo Girls (Lei, I got that one from you!)

4) Old Lang Syne (Dan Fogelberg- so heartbreakingly romantic!)

5) The Wheels on the Bus (of course!!)

5) Five things that I would do if I was a millionaire.

1) Travel the world with my family. The best education is seeing historical sites in person.

2) Take all of my girlfriends to a spa getaway (like the ones Oprah goes to).

3) Hire a chef

4) Hire someone to clean my house all of the time.

5) Buy beautiful pieces of artwork and build a studio so that I could create my own. (Again, Leilani and I are kindred spirits)

6)Five things that I like doing.

1) Sleeping- ahhhhh

2) Anything creative, sewing, knitting, painting, designing, etc.

3) Going on trips

4) Going to the fabric store

5) Did I mention sleeping?!

7) Five things that I would never wear again.

1) Umm, duh, overalls!

2) This ugly tie die jumpsuit that I bought from one of my roommates in college. I thought that it was sooo cute. Yeah, right.

3) Leg warmers

4) Spandex

5) my hair super short!

8) Five favorite toys.

1) My computer WITH Photoshop!

2) TiVo

3) my tweezers (I cannot live without them)

4) my sewing machine

5) my treadmill (when I actually use it!)

Whew! Okay, I will tag Jen, Tee, and Evey.

PMSing

Okay, so what is the deal!!?? I am an adult women who, all of the sudden, is reverting back to puberty!!! I actually just deleted all of the juicy details of my rampage of anger! Sorry, didn't want to bore you all with my mood swings!! I just have to vent and I think that typing it out helped me. So, let's just say that mommy is not having a good day!!!! and . . . point me to the chocolate!!!! :)

Why . . . why, why do we as women get these little treasures of psychoticness? Well, I am going to have a pity party for myself now, maybe I will even cry. Who knows, I will see how I feel after finishing off the ice cream in the freezer! :) Lata'

PS Did I mention that in the middle of looking and feeling so lovely today I ran into one of my old college roomates?! One that my boyfriend, after breaking my heart, asked for her number?!! Yes, and, she hadn't changed a bit! She looked gorgeous and skinny and like Nicole Kidman . . . just add that on to my day!

Music Meme

Yeah! I finally get to break into the world of meme's!! I LOVE music so I am very excited to share this part of my life with you guys!! :)

Total volume of music on my computer right now-
I probably only have about 60-100 songs on my computer right now- it is a very eclectic mix ranging from country to hip hop!!

Last CD I bought-
Celine Dion "Miracle"- which I bought after Myles was born. First of all, how sad is it that I haven’t purchased a CD in almost a year!? What is even sadder is that I let my neighbor borrow it for a while and the day I got it back, I was so excited . . . I put it into my MIL’s car CD player and it wouldn’t play. Turns out, it was broken and my CD is stuck in it until my in-laws decide to fix it!!! UGGH. Oh well. Someday I will get to rock my baby to sleep with it!

Song playing right now-
Nothing – just the sound of Asher’s feet as he is getting ready for bed!

Five songs that I listen to a lot or that mean a lot to me-
Humm, this is a really hard one! I seriously get so emotional over music; it holds so many memories and motivations for me. (And in case you are wondering, dancing like a maniac is one of those motivations!!)

1.) “What’s Up?’ by 4 Non Blondes
“25 years and my life is still, trying to climb up that great big hill of hope . . .”
- This song came out when I was first graduating from High School. I loved the emotion in it and the feeling of searching to figure out who you are. I felt like this song was my life’s theme song . . . at my young age of 18. Throughout the years, I would always revert back to the lyrics for those soul searching moments. I couldn’t believe it when I turned 25 and was at the age that the song talks about – where did life go? I finally realized that I would always be trying to climb up that “great big hill of hope” if I didn’t learn to be happy with where I was . . . instead of always searching for something else around the corner.

2.) “Dancing Queen” by Abba
Yeah, do I really need to say anything more!! You don’t even want to see what happens when this song comes on!!

3.) “Beloved Wife” by Natalie Merchant
This song is probably one of the most poetic and heartfelt love songs that I have ever heard. I seriously hope that my husband feels this much in his heart for me after our years together are through. I have already told him that I want this to be played at my funeral.

4.) “The Difference is Why” by Lenny Kravitz
“there are so many, so many rainbows, that we were supposed to climb . . .”
This is totally the theme song for my relationship with my husband. We both LOVE Lenny!! When we were dating, we went through some rocky times. We would break up and then get back together. We knew that we still had so much more to do and experience together . . . if we could just make things work out. We finally realized that the difference was why we needed to be together.

5.) “The Song Remembers When” by Trisha Yearwood
“. . . and there was a God in Heaven, and the world made perfect sense . . .”
Oh, young love. Of course this song is about the one that never happened. I thought that I might marry one of my college sweethearts and after a long span of time and catching each other in between relationships, we finally realized that it was not meant to be. Although I love my Sterling more than all of my past loves combined, I will always have a special place in my heart for this one.

Passing it on to. . . .

1.) Taylor
2.) Christina

Making a Fool of Myself!

Yes, I just bet that you all wish that you could have been there to see it!! No really, I don't know why but I will admit . . . the sound of music (no, not the movie) makes me act like I am drunk! Although I have never been drunk before- if it is anything compared to the way I behave around people when music gets into my system . . . it is NOT a pretty sight!!

So tonight, we got together with some of our neighbors. We have these friends, they used to live right next door to us but then they built a house and moved . . . 2 houses down the street. They have this "theater" room in their house with a stage . . . and microphones. So tonight, we all decide that we are going to pull out the karaoke music and perform. BAD IDEA!

When the first notes of a song like Britney Spear's "Oops, I did it again" or "Baby go back" hit me- I go into this trance. I am not proud of myself. It is not until I get home that the trance wears off and my husband has to tell me all of the details about my behavior. Oh course, he still loves me and tells me that I am beautiful . . . even if I did do a rendition of Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" while I danced like a ballerina on the stage!!!

How Old Are You?

You Are 19 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

That is funny. I got this from Taylor and thought I would try it out. I feel youthful but I think that I know who I am. Maybe I have a lot more to learn!

He Sleeps!!

My baby cho cho lips!

I don't know about you but, my favorite time of day is NAP time! When I am not doing my many other things that need to get done, I am sleeping. Yes, I LOVE to sleep! (No, I am not depressed.) :) But seriously, my bed is my favorite place in the world. So soft and inviting, so cushy and warm. I love it. So of course, on days like today when I am ready to visit my "special place", I get so excited when my baby goes down for his nap. With Asher being in school, I can just curl up in bed with my favorite laptop and rest. I really think that once you become a mother, at least for me, there is some sort of Pavlovian response to seeing your baby asleep that just releases the fatigue in your body. Yes, I love to sleep. I am admitting it here to you all for the first time. I am not ashamed!