Monday, February 22, 2010

And life goes on . . .


Here we are folks, T - 5 1/2 weeks and counting. Of course, I am already deducting 2 weeks off that schedule because each of my babies has come 2 weeks early for one reason or the other. AND - this pregnancy has been so agonizing that I think I will castrate the Dr. if he doesn't take me then. I don't want to hurt the little bambino though, sooo, if I get to 38 weeks and it is not time, I will just dig deep and find the strength to make it . . . for one more week maybe!! :)

Since my last post, I have been on prednisone. An awful and wonderful drug wrapped all into one. Aside from the night sweats, bloating, irritability, and heart palpitations, I am thrilled to announce that it has kept my "rash" (more like alien imprint from another planet that is taking over my body) at bay. The only bad thing is that I cannot be on it for very long so I am already being weened off and - that means the rash is already coming back. At least I was able to keep it a bay for a couple of weeks.

I have also been kind of insecure about the weight gain/ bloating. Look guys, I know I am big, I am not blind. I can especially see that my face is bloated. Everyone that I ask (for an honest answer) says " Oh no, you look great . . . the same!" Which really, that is kind of an insult too. LOL! Well, my dear mother in law saw me for the first time in a few months today and she admitted that "YES" my face does "look puffy". So there!

It is at times like this that I really do look forward to getting my body back to myself. I cannot wait to hold my little one. I just seem to function so much better when my babies are on the outside of my body. As I have been in and out of the hospital, I get to see the little newborns in the nursery. The other day I almost started crying out of joy because I truly am so excited to have one more. I loveeee the baby stage. I really do.

In other news, today Sterling and I went to our first consultation with the child psychologist to get Myles set up for his evaluation. The verdict is still out but most of the preliminary reports/tests are coming back as Autism. Really. I mean, how could we have missed this. With Asher, it was so obvious when he was young. With Myles, it is a completely different story.

There were no tears this time (not yet at least). I pretty much welcome the diagnosis. I am ready to move on and start helping him and getting the help and guidance that I need. I was asking Sterling as we were leaving, why did Heavenly Father send these boys to us? Is there something that I am just not learning as a mother? Then I realized that perhaps he thought that we could actually handle these circumstances. Go figure. I am going to have to dig deep again - but then, what mother doesn't have to do that everyday with her children, no matter what her situation?!

I am worried a bit about the baby. If Asher and Myles' "differences" are as bad as it gets, then I can handle it. But now I think, what if this baby is severely autistic? I know that there is no point in worrying. I also realize that I would never change this baby (or any of my babies) for the world. I will take them no matter what. I guess that I can face any challenge that is put in front of me with the Lord's help. These past 8 months or so have been a testament to that. And I thought that there was an easy button . . .

Well, I will post more soon enough. Who knows, maybe baby pictures will be next!! Yippee!!

7 comments:

bri said...

hoping and praying for you and all you are going through. i can relate in more ways than one. i have missed seeing you. can i come visit? i will bring dots! :)

erica said...

ZOE! So glad to see something fom you! You are an inspiration to me! Seriously. Please don't wait to post again until until the baby comes! You're in my thoughts all the time, take care of yourself!

Michelle said...

Hey Zoe - drooping by after a long time. Congratulations on Baby No. 4 - how exciting and I hope the same two weeks early applies.

Lei said...

Zoe, you're killing em with the infrequent posts. It is SO good to hear how you are doing. Hang in there, not long now... and lots of (((HUGS))). You are the perfect mother for those boys.

Crystal said...

Zoe I love reading your posts! You are so funny and and so uplifting!! Your boys are so cute, I am due in April and am so excited for the baby stage too!! Prayers, prayers, for the rest :) Hang in there, we all love you!!!

Anonymous said...

That is not a rash. It is clearly a baby's footprint with all the little toes. That baby wants to come out.

Dad

Nicole H. said...

Zoe! I love, love, love reading your blog! You always inspire me and keep me laughing! I hope all is well. Let me know how things are going <3