Getting back to good . . .

Life at home has been slowly falling back into our normal routine after this past crazy month. I don't think that I mentioned it but my parents also came to town to visit us. It was really nice to have them spend the time with us.

While they were here, I discovered that I was pregnant! Then, a week or two later, I miscarried. This was my first miscarriage and it was sad. I wasn't very far along so I don't think that the loss hit me as hard as it could have.

From the moment that I found out I was pregnant, I knew that something didn't feel right. I mean, I am usually puking my brains out as soon as the stick shows positive. I think that because of this "feeling", I was okay when I miscarried.

And truly, I am okay. And yes, we are still going to try for number 4. And yes, it had better be a girl! LOL!

Since then, I put on some weight. The feelings that come with this are driving me crazy. I know that I am the one in control of myself and that I can choose to change my situation. However, I have come to some important realizations.

First of all, I really really think that our society is so jacked up when it comes to the female figure. For obvious reasons, one can see that there are so many expectations and standards out there that it really does alienate those who do not naturally fit into this mold. (Enter screw you remarks to people who only think skinny women are attractive and in control . . . and who look at overweight people with pity . . . shame on you.)

I was reading Kirsti Alley's People magazine interview and she was discussing her shame at gaining back the weight that she had lost. In her words, I could sense the same self-loathing that sometimes creeps into the minds of many women in this situation.

It made me sad because, though she may be a larger woman, she is still just as beautiful. She stated that she didn't feel attractive or appealing and I thought, "I am sure there are plenty of men out there that will take you as you are!"

I think that beauty and self worth come from so much more then the size of our jeans . . . or our ass for that matter! (Excuse my french!) I am just sooooo grateful for a husband who finds me sexy no matter what I look like. He loves me, just as I am.

Of course, I want to be healthy and comfortable in my body. This healthiness also requires a positive self image. If we cannot see ourselves as beautiful, that we will never believe that it is in us. And trust me, it is.

And with that, I am now going to try to focus more on things that are truly beautiful in this world. My children, a beautiful sunrise, the true love of my husband, and the feeling of being a family. There is just so much beauty everywhere to behold. So, lift your head up and and enjoy it.

. . . end of rant . . . off to enjoy my little boys. :)