A Manifesto of sorts...

It has been forever. I took some time tonight to read over my past entries, mainly the ones dealing with autism. Lately, I have been reflecting a lot on this progressing life of mine. It could be because Asher just turned 12. My little baby is 12. Or, it could be that I feel like someone has turned up the pressure gauge here at home and my boys are about to shoot through the roof.

We have had a lot of discipline problems lately. There is a lot of weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. Surprisingly, the only person who doesn't end up crying is mommy (and daddy, but I am talking about my battles here...). That's right, I have become the drill Sargent. Strangely, very few of my antics seem to be working. What's the deal?! I should be a natural, right. Right...? It turns out that I have 3 very strong willed boys and one more little toddler who carefully watches and mimics his older brothers on a daily basis. I am starting to think that they even hold secret meetings in the bathroom after I go to sleep where they plot and plan on how they can most efficiently drive their parents crazy. It would appear that they have decided to go with the "tag teaming" method.

My shortcomings in the parenting department are made worse by the fact that I was a psychology major. Childhood development was my favorite and I even worked with troubled teens. Yet I cannot, for the life of me, figure out these little people in my own home. In this process, I also fear that I might be doing irreversible damage to their spirits.

I have never done this before, we are all learning in this process called living. Quite frankly, I truly believe that while there are thousands of tried and true "how to" books out there in the world, the simple fact is this, you cannot plan for the obstacles you will face in your lifetime. Nope. Just to clarify, I don't see my boys at obstacles, but we have some developmental and emotional battles that sometimes stand in our way.

I love my babies so much. Did I think this was going to be my life? Not.at.all. I had a rather fairytale existence in mind, one where my nicely groomed children sat at my feet, after doing their choirs and eating their well balanced meals, and hung on every teaching that came from my mouth. In this fantasy we do hours of crafting and exploring, because all I want is to be with them. We also rarely have a word of anger in our house and all disputes are settled quickly, rationally, and fairly.

Nice world, huh?

And flashing back to reality, I am learning, repeatedly, that things don't always go according to plan. (But really, who am I kidding, does anyone other then the Stepford wives have a life like my imaginary one?) When plans don't go our way, we only have two options. We can live through it and learn and cope with grace and joy, or....we can be miserable and angry and decide to give in to the disappointment.

Well, I have had the great privilege of reading several messages of hope recently. I thank God for these messages because, while we all have our down times, if we look in the right places there will always be someone to help us get up again. It is our choice to keep moving. And I DO want to keep moving, to keep trying, keep progressing. I know my boys and I can work together to iron out the kinks and to make ourselves stronger for the next set of wrinkles that will come our way. There will always be more, but I have decided to take a new approach. It goes like this...

...BRING IT ON.

That's right, I am rolling up my sleeves and I am ready. I know, I KNOW that my boys were sent to me for a reason. Granted, I might be mentally damaging them for life as their mother but that is a different story....;-) I am going to try to face my challenges with them more diligently, more joyfully, more determined to figure out a solution for change rather then a band aid for the moment. This too shall pass and when it does, I want to be able to look back with confidence and say,"I KNOW that I did my best." That is my hope and goal, not just with my boys, but with all of the challenges that life has in store for me. And in the end, I want to be so full of gratitude because it did happen, and I not only survived, but that I did it well.

If you want to check out some of the amazing sources for my recent enlightenment, here they are-

The Simple Act of Gratitude
Lil Blue Boo's The Cancer Chronicles
And as always,
Teachings from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

A little advertising...

I was honored when I was asked to be a part of a promotional photo shoot for the recent Beehive Bazaar. I explained that Jeremy and I wouldn't be able to do the bazaar this spring (she was tied up with her husband's Iron Man competition and I was just...well, too busy!). They said that was fine and still wanted a couple of balloons. I think the shoot turned out really well. You can check it out here.

And when I really get on the ball, I might actually have some stuff to sell in our etsy store, here! THAT would be a miracle!!

So lucky to have one of these!

Little People

They have taken over my life. I LOVE it!



Asher, who is not so little anymore (but I like to cradle him like a baby and pretend) is so generous and kind when he wants to be. He is so good at making up games to entertain his younger brothers. He also just beat Portal 1. An amazing feat considering that I cannot play that game for more then 10 minutes without feeling extremely nauseated.

Asher just bought (with game tickets at the roller rink) a blue heart shaped necklace that says "Best Friends". This gesture alone was so tender to me that I wanted to cry a little. I asked him who he was going to be giving it to and he told me. For 3 days I was so nervous that his friend might "reject" the necklace because it wasn't cool or something. Reject something that my little Asher thought of doing all on his own. My heart ached to protect him from this possible reality of life. That some things might not be "cool" for boys at his age. I guess that I shouldn't have worried at all because his friend liked the gift and ended up wearing it to school the next day as a bracelet. So sweet.

As Asher is getting older, I realize that there is going to be some hurt in life coming his way. Friends, girls, activities, just the normal things that life will throw his way. I am losing him to the big world out there because I know that I cannot protect him forever. I just hope that I can teach him who he is and whose he is. I love him so much. I am not ready for this!

Myles liked this science project because it was about batteries.

Myles is such a vocal little character. The questions that come out of his head blow me away. Can cats and dogs see in color? How does this battery/motor/device work? What is it like for babies inside their mommy's tummy? Who was Heavenly Father's father? Who was his father? There are so many things that he asks us on a daily basis, I really need to start writing them down. Who knows, maybe someday he will be able to answer a question that nobody else has been able to answer!

A couple of weeks ago, on the Friday that his class would be celebrating Easter, he was soooo excited to go to school. His class was also going to be going to the local Arctic Circle and ordering their very own food for lunch. He knew that this was going to be a big day and clearly had high expectations for it. He kept telling me, "Tomorrow is going to be the best day ever!". I love seeing him grow and get excited for things in life, things that can make his little soul happy to be alive. It is so simple sometimes.

Owen has been giving us yet another run for our money with his antics lately. He is so devilish sometimes that I just want to put him in permanent time out! I think that I have finally clued in to the source of the problem, XBox. Yep. The boy is addicted to Lego Indiana Jones. If I ask him to do anything else his reply is "boring..." - he is 4, for crying out loud! I know I need to nip this in the bud now before he gives up eating and sleeping. Ha ha!


Owen also informed me the other day, cause you know he is quite the Don Juan, that boys do not like girls with black hair. I asked why, because one of his various little loves has black hair. He couldn't explain it but just that he would no longer be liking this particular girl anymore. :( I told him that he could like what ever he wanted, blue hair, black hair, red hair. Fortunately, I think he changed his mind because 2 days ago this little girl came over to invite him to play. He didn't hesitate, only reverted to his bashful shy boy routine. I guess it works for him with the ladies... He now loves her again. She is his favorite. I was so worried you know! ;)


Sawyer is growing just way too quickly. He can now go up and down the stairs, a very important thing in his little life. He loves to travel the house at his leisure now. It is cute to watch him as it seems a whole new world has opened up to him. I am fine keeping it this way. I just wish I could do this with all of my boys.

Well, it seems I have to comfort him now as he is upset about some toys that rudely poked him in the bottom when he decided to sit down on them. It can be so hard to be little, you know.

How long do your resolutions last for?

So, after my oh so sincere attempt to change my life and begin blogging again on a daily basis, I have hit a major roadblock. Well, it is more like I crashed and burned within the first month.

I am trying not to look at myself as a total failure. After all, one of my favorite quotes says "Every accomplishment starts with a decision to try". I did try. Really. And I managed to get a few posts up.

Anywho, I just wanted to put it out there that I am still alive. Still running around like a maniac mom with my boys. Still trying to nurture my inner artist.

Sometimes though, I am just so happy and grateful to let my days slip away as I spend time with my little ones. They really are growing up way too quickly. I want to cherish all of these moments because I know they won't be coming my way again.

STITCHES!!

**Not for the light hearted...advert your eyes if necessary!**

It happened, finally. I had been dreading "this day" for about 11 years. With four boys, I am really surprised that it didn't happen sooner. One of my babies has split his chin open.

Now, just to be clear, Owen was technically the first of my boys to get stitches. It happened this last summer in Moab. We were 4-wheeling, he was wearing cowboy boots, trying to climb up on the trailer...it was bad...and bloody. We were in a motor home so we couldn't really "rush" to the hospital. Fortunately, my little sis had her truck there.

Owen and I went off to the small town hospital together. Everyone in the hospital looked like they had just come in from rock climbing or biking. Dirt under the nails, sunburns, cut off jeans. For real.


Owen's cut was inside his upper lip. He was really really brave. The dr.'s explained that had it been a fraction higher, he would have needed maxillofacial surgery, a fraction lower, he would have lost his teeth. We were very lucky.

Three hours and 4 stitches later (it took us a while to get all of Owen's freaking and thrashing out of the way!) we were as good as new! Owen was so proud of his stitches. He showed anyone who was interested. In fact, he still shows his gums to people...it has been 5 months.

I was so relieved that my baby was not only okay, but not visually/ permanently marred by the experience. By that I mean his perfect little body was still perfect on the outside, (exceptttt for a roasting stick burn from a campout...that is another story!) there were no visible signs of damage.

As a side note, I know this won't last forever. Boys will be boys. Cuts, scrapes, scars and other injuries are inevitable in our future. And heaven forbid if they ever get tattoos!!! Ohhh, the things I have to look forward to. In the meantime, I like to pretend that they are all still precious, soft and downy newborns with the perfect unblemished bodies they were born with. (You can call the mental services on me later.)

So anywho, back to last Friday night. Owen and Myles are in the tub acting like maniacs as usual. (I really do need to start separating them and making them take showers.) All of the sudden, I hear it. The loud, ominous thud followed by an excruciating scream. I know.

I run in, Myles has his hand on his chin, blood is spilling out. Yep. It's time. Sterling, ironically, was not home. I pull Myles out, put some toilet paper on his chin to stop the bleeding and ready myself for the first look. GASP!! I think he knew it was bad because Asher, who was there to catch the action, and I both backed away and put our hands over our mouth at the same time.

We go to the sofa, where I calmly explain to Myles that we are going to have to go the the Dr. to see what he thinks about his cut. "NO NO NO!! I don't want stitches!! I don't want STITCHES!!!"

In the midst of all of this, Asher gets this "ah ha" moment type of look on his face and runs downstairs, returning with his microscope and a clean slide. He wants a live blood sample. Ewwww. Really. I tell him, "You know, now is really not the time. Maybe a bloody nose or a mosquito bite..." "MOM!" "Okay, you have to ask your brother's permission." Myles, who has been crying up to this point, stops completely and says "yes". THEN-he hops (HOPS) off the sofa to peer into the microscope along with Asher. WHAT??? I am dumbfounded. Crisis adverted.

By the time we got to the Insta Care (Sterling met us there) Myles was doing pretty good. He insisted that we inform the Dr. that he DID NOT want stitches. The nurse tricked him and told him that she was cleaning his cut. Instead, she taped a pad holding a liquid numbing solution to his chin.

This picture is pre-stitches- believe it or not! The dr. was great at getting Myles to relax and open up. Myles suddenly had a lot of information to share.

Three stitches. I actually got a bit light headed when they were sewing him up. Sterling told me I was white and the nurse made me eat a sucker! Well, if you insist!

Myles checking out the final look. He is so proud now that he not only survived - but that he is going to have an awesome scar to show the ladies! Let's hope it is only this scar that he ever gets....right?! A mom can hope.

It doesn't take a genius...

...but I think that he is pretty smart!

Tonight Myles was thumbing through Asher's scout book and pointing out the various activities that he wanted to do. When he reached the section on electricity, he was soooooo excited. Myles LOVVVVES anything that has to do with electricity. Batteries, wires, flashlights, toys, etc. I cannot tell you how many toys in our house are missing their battery covers, or how many battery covers are floating around- because Myles usually has to take them apart right away and examine the chambers, what size of battery the toy takes, and so forth. We actually have to limit the amount of batteries that Myles is allowed to go through in one day. We have also wised up and started taking him to DI to purchase the toys that we know he will be disassembling and rewiring.

Anywho, back to tonight. We read the explanation in the manual about how electricity travels from the source through an open and closed circuit. He immediately wanted to do the experiment. He proceeded to take apart a tiny key chain flashlight to rearrange the wires and batteries so he could test out the various ways in which he could get the light bulb to work. He even came up with an awkward looking circuit involving paper clips. It worked! When he went to bed, he snuck a larger flashlight light bulb into his room to experiment with. I wasn't supposed to know, until Owen blurted the news out... Myles said to me "Owen has a big mouth."

I love my little Myles. He is an different breed of boy but I am so glad that he is mine!!

**In my next post- Asher's microscope experiment using Myles' fresh blood after splitting his chin open. Never a dull moment, I tell you...***